Hard rules

HARD NOTICE OF A COMPANY TO ALL EMPLOYEES
[ A circular was found in one of the office notice boards ]

Dear Staff ,
Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.
1) TRANSPORTATION:
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.

a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

2) ANNUAL LEAVE : Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1 employee).
- They are called SUNDAYs.

4) SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.
- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

5) TOILET USE : Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.

6) SURGERY : As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.
- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

7) INTERNET USAGE : All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted
from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary.
- Important Note: Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 4MB connection.

Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere

India’s motto for Aus series: ‘Keep it straight and simple’

Though there has been no love lost between India and Australia over their last three Cricket series, coach Gary Kirsten has coined an interesting phrase as the Indian team’s motto for the tour — KISS, or Keep It Straight and Simple.

The principle behind the motto is to allow the Indian players to refocus on the series amidst stories that the visitors are coming better prepared to the conditions after a week-long preparation camp in Jaipur and the presence of Greg Chappell in the opposition camp. The coaching staff in the Bangalore camp is reiterating the need to concentrate on the basics with the bat, ball and in the field, and not succumb to the temptations of attempting fancy shots during the high-profile series. “We’ve been asked to focus on the basics and told to keep things straight and simple,” says a Team India member. “The general discussion is to keep away from playing flashy shots or get tempted by the short deliveries. While bowling, the idea is to just keep a tight line and length,” he added.

According to reports, the wickets for the Test series are likely to be good for batting, not affording too much bounce, and will deteriorate as the match progresses, with the foot-marks playing a big role. This is not to allow any of the pacemen — especially the Australian battery — to exploit the conditions, and allow the Indian spinners to get considerable help from the rough.

I BELIEVE IN BANGALORE

I JUST FEEL PROUD WHEN I SEE THIS...

Witty ONELINERS

You can take my breath away!!! stay away from me I don’t want do die Now.

U made me smile so wide……..I can eat a banana side ways.

Don’t hate me because I m good, Hate me because I know it!!

The Moment She Arrives Every Other Face Fades Away…

Flirt but be alert.

Intel inside……….fool is out side.

Ashes 2 Ashes Dust 2 Dust Life is short so PARTY v must.

Love all; hate none…see all; select one..

He Took Me Fr0m a Bar. He Took Me In His Car. He Took My T0p 0ff. He Puts His Lips 0n Mine,But D0n’t W0rry I’m a Bottle 0f Wine..

Adam & Eve introduced love; Romeo & Juliet practiced it; Laila & Majnoo died for it; So PLZZZZZZZ guyz don’t go for it.

LOVE IS THE MISUNDERSTANDING BETWEEN TWO FOOOLS!

Loved by FEW Hated by MANY Feared by ALL.

I cant help falling in love with u….

Love can sometimes be magic… But magic can sometimes just be an illusion!!

Everyone says you only fall in love once but thats not true, everytime I hear your voice I fall in love all over again.

Do u believe in love at first sight or do i have to walk past u again?

I removed L from LOVER…….n now its all OVER !!!

DONT SAY YOU LOVE ME UNLESS U REALLY MEAN IT, CUZ I MIGHT DO SOMETHING CRAZY LIKE BELIEVE IT

Everyday That Goez By It Seemz Like I Discover Somethíng New about You To Love It’z Incredíble To Me How I’m Loved by some, Hated by many, Envied by most, Yet wanted by plenty.

A TO Z

A for apple.
B for bada apple.
C for chhota apple.
D for dusra apple.
E for ek aur apple.
F for fokat ka apple.
G for gol apple.
H for hazar apple
I for itney saarey apple?
J for jaao nahi khaana hai apple
K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple
L for lena padhega tumko apple
M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple
N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple
O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple
P for peth bhar Ke khaao apple
Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple
R for roz agar khaao tum apple
S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple
T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple
U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh apple
V for very tasty hai yeh apple
W for waste na karo time aur khaalo jaldi se apple
X for X'mas mei bhii khane padenge apple
Y for youn na chehra phero dekhkey apple
Z for zaroor dil bhar gaya hoga khake itne saare apple

COMPUTER VS BOLLYWOOD

COMPUTER v/s BOLLYWOOD
PENTIUM IV AND PENTIUM I ----> BADE MIYAN CHHOTE MIYAN

COMPUTER INFECTED BY VIRUS ----> PYAR TO HONA HI THA

HARDDISC & FLOPPYDISC ----> GHARWALI BAHARWALI

Esc ----> NAU DO GYARAH

Ctrl+Alt+Del ----> AAKHARI RASTA

UNDO ----> AA AB LAUT CHHALE

COMPUTER WITHOUT RAM ----> KORA KAGAZ

COMPUTER WHOSE OS IS DOS ----> BUDDHA MIL GAYA

VIRUS ----> JALLA KAR RAAKH KAR DUNGA

HARDDISC PARTITION ----> BATWARA

HARDWARE & SOFTWARE ----> EK DUJE KE LIYE

TEMPORARY FILE ----> KHOTE SIKKEY

SOFTWARE PIRACY ----> AANDHA KANOON

STORAGE ----> TEHKHANA

HACKERS ----> CHAMBAL KE DAKU

Getting old addons to work on Firefox 3.0.

Firefox 3.0 was launched recently - Incase any of you have missed on getting the faster and meaner Firefox, head straight to the Official website and download the 7.3 MB download.

Well, I recently did this and was surprised to see most of my Firefox extensions of 2.0 not working in the new Firefox 3.0. The only exception was DownloadThemAll (or DTa as it is popularly called). As usual, I have a trick on my sleave to get across with this problem. Though this method is not fool proof - but in my case it worked without a blip.

Here are the steps you need to follow:
1. Download the .xpi file of the extension (You can use Internet Explorer for this)
2. Rename the downloaded file .zip from the .xpi
3. Now open the new zip file using WinZip / WinRar or any other file compression software.
4. Inside the zip - Open the install.rdf in edit mode
5. Locate and Replace 2.0.0.* by 3.* in Mozilla Firefox section.
6. Save the .rdf file and rename zip archive back to .xpi
7. Now Install the extension.(Double click the .xpi file and open in Firefox)

It works as expected. All the very Best!!

Two New Email ID Domains for Yahoo! Users

Starting today, Yahoo! users will have two more options to choose from for their email addresses. The two new email address domains are ymail.com and rocketmail.com.

The rocketmail.com domain name relates back to Yahoo!'s $92 million acquisition of Four11 in 1997. Four11 is the company that offered free RocketMail service.

Yahoo! claims to presently have over 260 million users, and probably, most of the simple IDs are already used up, so users are left with no other option but to create complicated IDs and then strive to remember them. However, with the new domain address additions, users can once again create simpler IDs ending with ymail.com and rocketmail.com.

Email accounts created using the new domain addresses will offer the same features as Yahoo.com including unlimited storage at no cost and instant messenger built within the in-box. Users will be able to use these IDs to sign-in into other Yahoo! sites and services. Meanwhile, the company also plans to launch the localized country versions of the same.

Get free online storage upto 1 GB : from Box.net

Box.net was one of the first web 2.0 online sharing services, I mean they were the amongst the first ones who had integrated the power of Ajax in the online sharing and made it a much usable application. Box.net seems good but we’ll come to know more about it when we actually look at the PROS and CONS of the service. Although, at this point of time, box has closed the registration but I’d registered for Box at the time of launch itself or may be quite near to it. Box.net, which started off as college business project but has grown into a commercial service and a service which looks good but how good is it, lets find out about it…

PROS of BOX.NET :

1. Free storage of 1 GB & 10 GB Bandwidth : Box.net is giving away free 1 GB space to attract users. In todays world, 1 GB is enough for important documents and thus I think that it is a decent move and decent space to offer. And 10 GB bandwidth is also good enough to lure any web user.

2. Nice Ajaxified Interface : Box.net has a nice and simple ajaxified interface and due to which the usage of this online application because quite easy and simple. Due to the simple interface, it loads fast and thus serves the purpose in a better way.

3. Widgets to share files : Box.net has widgets which can be used to showcase the public files in various places like websites, myspace, blogs, etc. This can be easily used to store the files and without worrying about updating any blog or any link on the websites because the widget will do it automatically.

4. Editing of Word Documents : With the integration of >Zoho Writer, Box.net allows users to view and edit the word documents. This can be certainly handy, when a user doesn’t have a word editing software installed on any computer and on top of it, without downloading the files and then reuploading the files, users will be able to edit them directly.

5. Integration with Facebook, The Files application : You can even upload your files using the Box.net application on Facebook called Files. Its got a very clean and nice interface, from where you can easily Upload, or download, or even share the file with others.

And you can make your most by inviting your friends or colleagues to collaborate in your Box.net folder.